At age 23, in the dawn of adulthood, I found myself standing on a subway platform ready to end my life. Ravaged by depression, anxiety, and addictions, I felt alone. I was without hope, friends, a job, or any possibility of a future. My life was out of control, and I believed it not worth living.
My mental health and substance use problems grew from childhood trauma of domestic chaos, violence, addictions, poverty, and bullying. Due to stigma, I avoided treatment. Instead, I turned to alcohol and other substances to cope with my pain, leading to arrests and a criminal justice history.
As I stood on the platform, I watched a train’s light emerging from the tunnel’s darkness and was ready to step onto the tracks. As it pulled into the station, the thought of my mom and the impact my death would have on her pulled me back from that ledge.
I took control of my life and sought help at a local program, but they told me to wait 30 days for an opening. It can be hard — particularly for this man — to ask for help and yet too many of us are turned away when seeking assistance due to waiting lists caused by lack of funding. However, I eventually started and found something in that program that changed my life — a sign for a job at a warm-line where people like me were calling for help. Through that job, I realized that I was not alone.
I learned one in three adults and 50 percent of young adults have a mental health or substance use problem. The power of peer support gave me hope for the future. I also found that I could help others, which gave me a sense of purpose, value and realization that my life was worth living. And I became aware recovery is real and common. While we often hear of suicide and overdose tragedies, almost 70 percent of adults who have had a substance use or mental health problem are in recovery.
Recovery is personal, and while people choose many different pathways, there are key facilitators. Having access to health care (including peer supports, mental health and substance use services), safe and stable housing, a sense of purpose – achieved through employment for many of us, and a community all contribute to successful recovery.
I continue to receive treatment to stay healthy and participate in other activities that help like exercise, gardening, hiking, and making music. For the past 40 years, I’ve found purpose by working to advance recovery. And I’m fortunate enough to have safe, stable housing and strong family support, including my loving wife of 27 years and our three amazing children.
There is no doubt that recovery is a hard and courageous journey that often requires persistence and resilience. Each September, we recognize National Recovery Month to celebrate those in recovery and to help support others to begin their own journeys of hope and healing.
Recovery helped me dedicate my life and career to assisting my peers who sought behavioral health services. Today, I live a happy and fulfilling life in recovery.
My story is not unique. Many right now — young people in particular — are in pain from mental health and substance use problems. My message to everyone is this:
Please know that for most of us, it does get better. We can and do heal and live a good life.
Reach out to take that first step for life, for hope, for recovery. Contact findtreatment.gov for help or if in crisis, call or text 988.
