Whether asking for directions, hiring someone to fix a leaky faucet, going to the doctor in physical pain, or seeking mental health support, men may view asking for help as a last resort or a transactional exchange.
Men can be reluctant or feel uncomfortable asking for help for various reasons. For example, socioeconomic status, personal beliefs, stigma, and racial discrimination might impact this behavior. However, one of the most significant factors is often stereotypes regarding masculinity.
You may have heard the phrases “boys don’t cry” or “man up.” Men often internalize traditional and stereotypical views of masculinity, believing they must be strong, self-reliant, and dependable to have worth. Additionally, there can be a negative stigma associated with seeking support. Some may believe it means they are “weak” or a “coward.” Even in a culture of wanting to help others, people may believe that seeking help is not a masculine act. These biases can be so entrenched in a man’s identity that they might not notice that they are biases, not facts.
Extensive research backs up this social and cultural stereotype. One survey conducted by the American Psychological Association showed how only 35% of men would pursue professional help for their mental health, compared to 58% of women. Depression and suicide are both considered the leading cause of death amongst men. Overall, there is a significant imbalance between the number of men experiencing mental health disorders and those who seek treatment.
How to reach out for help as a man
Men may see asking for help as a last resort or an option not on the table. Whether you’re struggling with mental health concerns, financial issues, relationship problems, or another challenge, knowing how to ask for help when you need it can be crucial. Consider the following tips when deciding whether to seek support:
Go to betterhelp.com/mensmentalhealth to get 20% off your first month of therapy.
1. Be honest with yourself
Self-awareness can be a vital skill. Once you’ve recognized a problem, you can begin to come up with solutions. If you’ve identified a challenge you can’t solve alone, be honest with yourself about your need for support. Even if you can’t put into words exactly what it is you’re struggling with, being able to acknowledge that you need help can be a significant step toward healing.
2. Remind yourself you can be a positive example
If you have a son, brother, father, or friend who also struggles to seek support, consider how being open about your emotions may set a positive example for them. For example, if you are a father, showing your son that talking to a therapist is safe and OK may help him feel more comfortable with his emotions, breaking generational patterns of emotional suppression.
3. Commit to asking for help
When you realize you need support, start by working up the courage to ask for help. While it’s crucial to avoid pressuring yourself or rushing the process, remember that some challenges worsen the longer they’re left unaddressed. Being patient with yourself matters, but so does prioritizing your well-being.
4. Start with someone you trust
Starting with a person you trust may make you more at ease when asking for help. You might contact a close friend, family member, mentor, or coworker. Start small and gradually open up more about how you’re feeling. If you have another man in your life who is more open about his emotions, ask him how he does it and what tips worked for him.
5. Consider professional support
Consider professional support if the people in your social circle are not equipped or lack the knowledge to support or understand you during a challenging moment. A mental health professional has the expertise and training to help you progress healthily. You can connect with a therapist or counselor online or in person, according to your preferences.
Go to betterhelp.com/mensmentalhealth to get 20% off your first month of therapy.
Please note that this article uses the words “boy,” “boys,” “man,” and “men” as broad terms referring to those who identify as men.
