In an exclusive Q&A, Anna Victoria answers all our questions about her own journey with IVF and what she would recommend to others.
Describe your emotions leading up to your IVF treatments.
I was really trying not to get my hopes up. It’s funny because I’m typically an optimist, but this was one area I just didn’t want to set myself up to be let down, so I defaulted to thinking it wouldn’t work.
The process overall leading up to my first IVF transfer was tedious — so many tests, and procedures, and delays even. I had to learn (the hard way) not to get too stuck to a particular timeline. We thought we were doing our transfer a particular month and planned travels and events around it, but at a moment’s notice, we needed to do another procedure and wait for the results which ultimately pushed our transfer another month out.
Did you try any other fertility options prior to IVF?
Yes, we went through two IUI procedures in December 2018 and January 2019. These were both unsuccessful, and we were going to do a third, but we decided to “take a break.” If we hadn’t conceived naturally by fall 2019, we decided we would proceed with IVF. We still could not conceive on our own, so we did the egg retrieval September 2019 and the transfer two months later in November.
How important was having a good support system before and during IVF?
Having a support system was essential to my mental well-being before and during IVF. I didn’t know anyone in my personal life that was in this same time of their life, so I sought support and guidance through IVF Facebook groups. Being able to ask even the simplest of questions was so incredibly helpful, especially when others who were going through, or had gone through, the same thing would answer and share their own experience. It gave me so much comfort knowing I wasn’t alone, and I had an outlet to share my thoughts without judgement.
What do you recommend for people about to start IVF?
For those about to start IVF, I suggest finding that support system, whether it’s people you know in real life or support groups online.
Another thing I suggest is to just go with the flow. I know that can be so hard when we have life to plan for, but know that your protocol, your retrieval or transfer date, anything can change. And while it’s okay to feel a bit down about those changes, know that ultimately it’s for the best and for the best outcome of your IVF journey!
Trying for a baby for a long period of time can be strenuous on a relationship. Did this happen in your relationship and how did you get through it?
Yes, it absolutely did. There were some really tough moments, some times I said things I didn’t mean, but I was speaking out of hurt. We got through it by communicating openly and honestly. Sharing why things were said, where they’re coming from, and not leaving any stone unturned. They were tough and uncomfortable conversations, but ultimately made us stronger. Both sides need to let their walls down and listen to the other, and ultimately remember why you’re on this journey together to begin with.
What do you think the three most important things are for a couple to remember when trying for a baby?
- Remember that this is just a season in life, and it won’t last forever. This was said to me often during our journey and honestly, it was a little hard to grasp. But now that our baby is here, it makes sense. She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t here yet. Whether your journey takes you through an IUI, IVF, embryo adoption, or child adoption, you are meant for them and they are meant for you. Sometimes it just takes a bit longer of a journey to find each other, but when you do, it will all be worth it.
- Remember not to get too stuck to a timeline. An IVF journey is unpredictable. You have to find a balance between not pushing pause on life, still go and do things with family and friends, while also preparing for your transfer to proceed as planned, but also knowing that delays can happen at any time.
Remember your “why!” In those tough moments, remember why you’re on this journey. Because you love your partner and bringing a child into this world (or adopting) will bring immeasurable joy into this world and your lives.
