Certified sex educator Shan Boodram, known for her dating coach and relationship expertise on YouTube, where she has 40 million followers, wants people to focus on their sexual needs and desires.
“It’s not a matter of just letting things happen,” she says. “You really do have to be the captain of your own ship, but that doesn’t mean that your direction has to look like everybody else’s.”
As a sex educator, she says people need to focus on intimacy education and emotional intelligence education. They need to be able to understand their feelings.
“Being able to express yourself intimately, being a good intimate partner, is a learned skill,” she says, encouraging people to make intimate education a part of their lives. For example, listen to a sex podcast while you drive to work.
Accessible
Boodram grew up in a Caribbean household. Her sexuality was suppressed and complicated. Then when she was 19, she attended a conference and had an epiphany.
“I looked at it and said there needs to be somebody who is making the information more approachable to younger people, making it more accessible,” she says, explaining that became her career mission.
She studied journalism and covered sex and relationship stories. She also earned certifications to help her grow her knowledge in the area.
Recently she was the host and a consulting producer for Facebook Watch’s relationship series, “Make Up or Break Up.”
Honest
The “Game of Desire: 5 Surprising Secrets to Dating With Dominance – and Getting What You Want” author wants everyone to talk more honestly about sex instead of making it taboo.
As part of her job, Boodram regularly tests sex toys. She says she used to feel pressure to have the most exciting sex life. She’s learned to honor her body and her needs.
“I don’t always want to play and I don’t always want to do something adventurous, so we also try to be mindful to say we don’t have to try everything right now,” she says. “This is a long life and we have a long journey with our sexual self. I don’t put the pressure on myself to make every experience more exciting or thrilling than the last.”
Open relationships
She and her partner have honest communication. While they’re not currently engaging with other partners, they’re open to the idea.
“As we have gone through our lives, there have been times where someone has had an experience with somebody else and we are open to what happens in the future,” she says.
The couple started out as friends with benefits. Their relationship has grown slowly over time.
“I think that the more honesty and communication we have in the space, the more people benefit,” she says. “I think the people who are afraid of communication are a part of the problem.”
